{Diary} The Son of Loki

There is something wrong with me.  I am not sure what is wrong with me but I must have hit my head just wrong since I evidently thought it was okay to eat dinner with someone that attempted to kill me just a week ago.  No, not just eat dinner but do incredibly illegal things that I am not sure how I was talked into doing.  And not even just those things... oh no, I then had sex with him.  Oh and I forgot to ask him his name... you know, because everyone wants to think about their possible legends including that they forgot to ask their first lovers name.  ...not to mention if I ever have children that will be an awkward conversation.  

Oh gods!  Children!  What if he got me pregnant?!  As much as I want children I am not certain that I am ready for that commitment now... I think I am going to stop writing and go for a run.  Yup...  I'll finish this entry later.  


---

Okay, my run was refreshing but being warmed from the sun and sweaty in response to moving my body so much... my mind is not off the subject yet.  In fact, I am pretty certain that it did not help but made it worse.  

I am at once lustful, irritated, ashamed, and fearful about the experience.  I am a bit irritated that he took pictures and sent them to my friends but I think the best way to handle that situation is to do the opposite of what is likely expected of me by him.  Instead of crying about it or yelling at him about it I will have it printed on canvas and I will attempt to create a nice metal frame and plaque for it.  I will deliver it with a bottle of aged Norwegian mead, and a note.  I think that should suffice.  

Although perhaps he does expect this action from me?  It is really hard to tell, I do not know him very well and given the display of Indian culture in his yacht I would say that he probably knows enough about Krishna, my father's avatar, that was a trickster.  Although he and Loki were very different types of tricksters.  

I know my father is not too fond of Loki so I am not entirely sure I know how he will feel about my current... relationship? with one of Loki's children.  Of course, I am one of millions of my father's children and I am certain he will be understanding to the fact that I am fatebound to the man and know that there is little I can do about it... especially at this point in my divine journey.  

So I am a little fearful about what my parents will think, fearful that I could turn up pregnant, and I am certainly fearful that I might end up falling in love with this person only to have him turn around and try to kill me later.  I wish I knew more about him and had some reassurance that this was not the case but the thoughts and fears about sleeping with a demigod that swung a hammer at me and is the Son of Loki... they haunt me.  At least it is a rational and healthy fear.  I also hope that I am not just some name to check off.   

"Daughter of Shiva... check; Daughter of Parvati.... Check; Daughter of Ganesha... check; Daughter of Vishnu... check."  

That is an incredibly unappealing end to what I cannot say was a bad evening.  He was nice to me.  Strange... as he had put a present in my cleavage that is more lethal than my Urumi which is great.  I cannot wait to train with it.  I think I will design something to keep it secured to my wrist so that it is easily accessible and always in hand.  It really was a very nice gift... even coming from someone I assumed was an enemy?  Now I am not sure what he is to me.  Confusion incarnate for sure.  

The lotus flower touchstone, relic, thing is a really nice touch.  He certainly knows how to get my attention.  The craftsmanship was beautiful and as someone who works with metal I know just how much effort he must have put into it.  I like it.  I put it by the pool.  

The Nordic runes are "Rest, Home, Journey, and Blank"  and each of them does a different thing.  To activate the flower you first have to put a sacrifice of mead onto it and then depending on the desired effect blood must be scarified to the buttons... or a kiss.  If I put my blood on the Rest symbol it draws my allies to me immediately.  If I put blood on the home button it takes me to my house in India... which really, I could not have asked for a nicer present.  Just the one button would have thrilled me.  The Journey button plus my blood allows me to travel anywhere within one hundred miles that I have already been, which is also really nice.   If I kiss the blank rune button than I am taken back to the yacht but if someone else kisses it they end up elsewhere and they rotate their location.  Vada kissed it while Jade was gone and Jade reappeared and Vada vanished.   Lastly, if I put my blood on the blank rune.  

I am sorry,  I must pause to laugh.  

Okay, if I put my blood on the blank rune it summons "him" to me ready to murder someone on my behalf.  That terrified me.  He had not told me what that button did.  So when he appeared after lightening struck and thunder echoed... well, I was stunned speechless... and then I laughed, a lot.  That scared me good and his reaction was hilarious.  

Anyways, I am going to get each of the people I feel are trustworthy(those that I have met multiple times), a vial of my blood on a chain.  That way if something goes wrong they can see if it will return any wounded allies to us.  However, I will test it first and see if blood long standing out of my body will even work.  Otherwise, I am giving nobody anything.   My thoughts so far are Etienne, Chloe, Jade, and Marcus.  I might not know Jade well but I have a feeling she will use it wisely and not to harm me or the others.  Although... I can see her possibly hitting the "Panic Button" as well.  She is a nice girl.  Misunderstood, I think, but a nice girl.  

 I think I need some water now... I'll finish this entry after dinner.  

--



 Alright, I am back.  I am restless and feel a bit chaotic in my thought patterns.  I blame the Son of Loki, it is all his fault really.  I cannot stop thinking about last night.  Of course, given my situation and the significance of the evening to me... I am not surprised at that really.  

Well... as I was saying!  Ashamed and Lust.  

Lust, I think I will start there.  I have three men standing before me and I know that all three parties are interested in me for some reason.  I know Etienne's intentions with me are likely sweet and pure.  I have been in love with him for a long time, even if I will not admit it out loud.  I trust him and if he asked it of me, I would probably give him everything I had to give.  

Marcus... well, Marcus has been requesting my presence in his bed since he first realized that I was not a girl scout selling cookies and wielding a urumi at his door.  But he is my mortal parents nephew and thus my cousin and while he constantly reminds me that it is not blood that binds us together... I am not sure how I feel about having any sort of sexual relationship with him.  Even if I do find him attractive.  He is not a bad man either.  

The Son of Loki... well... he gives me presents and says nice things to me and made one night something I do not think I could forget if I tried.  I really am having a problem with the divine beauty thing.  He is quite attractive physically and more than a little persuasive with his words.  Words which are like warm milk and honey, so smooth and irresistible.  He made me want to want what he wanted from me.  It is scary to know how much power he has over my mind if he wants it.  Taking off my clothes and giving myself to him was more than anyone else could ever have persuaded me to do.  ...I need to strengthen my mind.  I need to be able to tell him no if he has ulterior motives.  I really hope he does not have ulterior motives, that would be devastating.  I want to live in what very well might be an illusion of romance for as long as possible and continue to hope it is not an illusion at all.  


Onto that Shame... 

I am in love with Etienne, am lusting for my cousin, and slept with a strange demigod.   I simply do not know what is wrong with me.  I do not understand why I suddenly feel much like a slut.  Marcus made the suggestion I just have them all in my bed at once and it was not an all together unappealing image.  I think I will do some research to find out if that is a normal reaction and desire... 

I feel like I am going insane.  I felt really good last night and I want to feel that way again.  I am fighting myself for control.  I know I should pull myself together and control my fricken emotions but I also want to let go of that and ride the waves of passion flowing through me.  So shame comes in the form of a lack of self-control.  

The bottom line is that I am a lustful ball of confused woman and I do not know how to fix it.  

...I just realized... he is almost twice my height and has a massive... how ever did he... never mind, I do not want to know...  okay, maybe I do... 

{Date} Etienne

Each morning at dawn, after prayer, Amala drove to the San Tan Mountain and then ran a ten mile route that she had laid out for herself.  Today as she went on her hour run she was nervous, the evening would bring her first date with Etienne and that was terrifying but it was also more than that, she was going on her first date ever. 

Amala had never been on a date, never been kissed, never been intimately held, and she certainly never had never been sexually involved with another person.  Etienne was a very loving, romantic, and sexual man and although he had held her heart for years now she did not know how to respond to the date.  She was nauseous from the nerves and the Arizona heat, even in the early morning, was a terrible combination. 

By the time Amala was done with the run and back home she was all too happy to dive into the pool with her clothing on to escape the world for a little while.  The water had soothed her for the most part and she spent an hour just swimming laps across the Olympic sized pool. 

She quickly ate her breakfast, bathed, meditated, and headed out to handle her usual work day and tried with much difficulty not to think about the date later that evening.  It was so bad that even in all her divine dexterousness Amala still managed to be a bit clumsy.  She felt like she was knocking over everything but luckily she was able to catch the majority of it and she was pretty sure she did not catch the pen cup because she really did not care about the metal container. 

Getting home and into the hot shower was a relief.  All the talking and requests for her assistance had not helped her develop any sense of calm and the brief period of time to herself in the water was a great way to connect to her parents, whom both had to do with the primordial waters. 

Amala desperately attempted to remember the things Etienne had mentioned he liked about other women’s appearances and about her own while she looked in the mirror at her nude body and applied oils to her already very soft and smooth skin, she felt she was oddly flawless and wondered if Etienne would like that about her or think it was creepy.  

She was in a panic, unable to keep herself calm enough to finish getting ready.   Amala could not remember if he liked her hair up or her hair down or even if he had ever said.  She was unsure if she should dress in comfort for herself or dress a little less modestly to appeal more to his eyes.  Her mind buzzed with questions and her eyes watered with tears from the frustration of having no answers for herself. 

With no other choice Amala wrapped herself in a towel and sat down in front of her parent’s shrines.  There were several statues of the band’s parents around the house and a couple shrines to them on the first basement level but this was the private ones she kept in her room for when she really wanted to just be alone with them and not have the risk of Chloe or Marcus walking in on her while she was praying to them. 

She knew they would rarely have the time to answer her but she knew they would always hear her and so Amala prayed to them at least twice a day.  Every morning and every night.  They were her first and her last priority.  They were her parents and she loved them more than she could ever explain. 

Amala would be devastated if she disappointed them and one of her big hopes was to join the Deva and be able to be part of her parent’s lives on a daily basis… but it was something she had to earn through building her legend.  It was not a desire she would easily satisfy and not one her parents could assist her with.  In this task, Amala was mostly on her own, independent of her parent’s care. 

Even though they were busy, Amala cooked them dinner every night.  She knew most nights they would never show up but on the rare occasion that they might she made it for them anyways.  To honor them, Amala would take the food they did not eat and bring it to a shelter before work the next day. 

Tonight, Amala did not cook for them and while she sat there at the shrines in tears over her quickly approaching date she apologized to them for her failure to have prepared something for them.  About ten minutes into her prayer she felt the warmth surround her and calm her.  She had always wondered if it was in her head or if it was her parents way of soothing her when she was upset but Amala had always been grateful for what she assumed was the equivalent of a soothing hug from them. 

Tonight she thought it might have come from her mother because she stood up and went to her closet and looked through her dozens of sarees and pulled from it a red and brown saree that was very modest but hugged her body in an appealing way.  She slid herself into it and with the warmth still about her, Amala began to carefully braid her hair into a very long braid and securing it with her Jadangam.

It left her neck exposed, showing some skin which she felt should so that she was not entirely attempting to be reserved on their date… well that and how well the saree fit to her body.  It kept her covered and put a bit of mystery into what was beneath the clothing but it did not flaunt her skin and show off her body the way she saw most American women doing. 

Finally, Amala was dressed and waiting nervously for Etienne to show up.  She paced back and forth near the door, biting at her lower lip and twirling the straps of her hand bag, until he finally showed up in his silver Mercedes. 

She waited for him to ring the doorbell and then opened the door a bit quickly, it was the first tell of just how nervous the woman was.  “Et-tienne.”  She bowed to him, placing her palms together in a show of respect.  “Namaste.”  She rose to see that he was returning the bow and her cheeks blushed in response to the respect she was being shown. 

But it stunner her further when he lifted her hand to his lips and placed a kiss on her knuckles.  The touch of his lips on her skin, mixed with the spicy smell of tobacco, rum, and the mystery of a forbidden man caused her breathing to quicken in an attempt to keep up with her now racing heart.   

The drive to the Kai felt like an eternity.  He looked and smelled wonderful and Amala had to will herself to keep her eyes out the window and on the passing city.  Getting to the restaurant and not being stuck in the car with the man was liberating, her heart finally started to slow and her breathing became even as they sat down in a public place. 

It was not that she did not trust him, she trusted him just fine, she was even alone with him for private dance lessons regularly… it was just that the date implied romantic interest in him that she had never verbalized to anyone and she was so worried about if she could please a man like him if it did end up passing into a more complex relationship. 

Several minutes had passed before Amala realized that she was just staring at the sky and had said nothing to him.  Had the waitress not approached them to ask for their orders she may never have snapped out of her silence. 

After dinner is ordered Amala forced herself not to look into his eyes, although she really wanted to do so, it was just so much more difficult than usual to keep her eyes averted.  She chewed on the inside of her cheek and after a few seconds of debating with herself she finally spoke, lifting her gaze to his face.

“I am sorry if I am not very conversational tonight… I am more than a bit nervous.”  She could feel that her cheeks were red from admitting it out loud but they only stayed that way when she thought of exactly how nervous she had been and for how long today she had been nervous. 

He smiled at her though, Etienne’s response was a relief.  He was okay with her being nervous and that was a bit soothing.  

At some point he spoke words at her and those words caused her to blush so fiercely that she was pretty certain she was on fire.  "The pleasure of this evening is all mine. There is no need to be nervous, I don't bite, unless you ask nicely."  He had said.  The thought of his mouth anywhere near her again was enough to make her heart race once again.  

She was unsure why anyone would ask to be bitten by another but she could imagine why they would want his mouth near them and those thoughts of warm kisses caused her an almost painful urge to find out if his lips were as warm as she was imagining… as warm as she had remembered them being on her knuckles not too long ago. 

Dinner went by quickly and had been charming.  Amala greatly enjoyed the fish and wines especially since it was so rare that she would partake in either.  It was however after dinner that she was most surprised and floored. 

Etienne took Amala up to Canyon Lake after she expressed an interest in water.  When she got out of the car and down to the water Amala wrapped her arms around Etienne, surprising herself.  

Hugging was intimate for her in a very non-sexual way but she was always reserved with them.  She gave hugs to children often and to female friends but she could not recall giving a man other than her father a hug.  She might hug Marcus more but for the fact that she knew he was attracted to her… she did not want to encourage her cousin’s attraction and so she did not hug him often. 

She released the hug after what felt like an eternity and took a step back from him.  “Thank you.”  Amala quickly moved to sit on a large rock that was partially in the water.  She removed her shoes and let her small feet slide into the water, her red nails disappearing into cold water.  

A moment or two later, Etienne joined her there, rolling up his pant legs and letting his feet join hers in the water.  He told her that she looked beautiful bathed in the light of the moon which caused Amala to smile in appreciation of his words. 

As the night cooled and the word around them started to descend Into the dark of night, Etienne placed his own jacket over Amala’s shoulders.  “You look good too Etienne.”  The small woman was once again blushing.  “I am so used to seeing you wearing a lot less in the way of clothing.” 

A second after speaking that she looks a big worried… panicked.  “You look good that way too.  I just mean that you look good tonight and that I think you look good other nights too..."   She took a deep breath and let her nerves calm, placing her slightly shaking hands beneath her legs and letting her head slowly fall to rest on one of her knees. 

Etienne placed a gentle hand on her arm to get her attention and was pleased to watch her eyes drift back to him.  “I knew what you meant.”  She watches his hand fall away in a longing way, Amala liked it when he touched her.  His hands were warm against her skin and she enjoyed the sensation. 

To distract her, Etienne engaged conversation about the future.  He explained to her his desire for another wife and children in a very respectful and romantic way, careful to mind the woman’s boundaries and not make her uncomfortable.  Amala imagined he was trying to get her to relax and if that was his goal, it was working. 

When he asked her about what her hopes and dreams for the future was Amala paused to consider the question and then answered.  “I have always seen myself being a mom someday.  I very much want to marry someone I love and have children with them.  In the way of my divine journey I hope to become a Goddess so that I can help as many people as possible.  Whatever I end up doing… whatever kind of Goddess I might become… that is all I want.  I want to serve the people and see them to their enlightenment.” 

After a long conversation, Etienne looked at his watch and rose from the rock.  It was getting late and the date sadly needed to end.  He offered her a hand up and walked her back to the car, opening her door as he had sweetly opened all doors for her that evening. 

When they got back to her estate in Chandler, Etienne was very polite and Amala is smiling, her nerves long since gone.  She looked far more comfortable at that moment than she had before they started talking on the rock. 

When they reached the door there was a bit of a pause and they began saying goodnight.  

She did not know why for a moment but suddenly her nerves returned.  The space between the two of them had suddenly lessened and he was once again within range to hug.  Amala was okay with this but it still made her quite nervous.  She wrapped her arms around him once again and smiled up at him.  “Thank you, I had a lovely evening with you.”   

Etienne smiled and brushed the braid over her shoulder, letting it fall back behind her.  When she did not flinch away from the light touch of his hand on her shoulder as he moved the hair, he decided to let his hand moved to gently cradle the back of her head as he slowly leaned down and in to kiss her. 

Amala knew what was coming and was suddenly keenly aware of nothing but him.  She was unsure if she should stop him or let the kiss happen.  In the end, she did not stop the kiss from happening, she had been in love with Etienne for years and it was longer than she knew most women would have likely lasted. 

She gasped a bit as his other arm moved to sit on her mid back, gently resting there.  She stood there unmoving for a second unsure how she should move to return the affection.  Her hands came up and rested over his chest before she let instinct take over and let her lips mimic the motions he was already making. 

The kiss was a bit awkward for her, very obviously her first, but she let it happen and was very happy with the contact.  Amala was a bit disappointed when he pulled away.  

Ultimately, the kiss had only lasted a few seconds.  It was brief but sweet and affectionate, showing her that he cared enough about her not to try and force his way into her bed or otherwise make her uncomfortable.  She respected and appreciated that more than she thought he could know. 

With a smile she pulled out her keys and opened the front door, saying good night to him and watching out the window to make sure he safely got back into his car and drove away from the window.  It was a good end to an evening that had started off so shaky for her. 

The moment she walked into the kitchen Chloe smiled at Amala.  “So… how did it go?”  It was in that moment Amala knew she was in for a long night… the woman would want all the details.  …well, the one’s she had not seen through the security cameras anyways.

{OOC} Character Description

Amala-shri Marri
Daughter of *Vishnu* and Lakshmi

Deva

[Vishnu- The Supreme God(Chief of Pantheon; 1 of 3 Supreme dieties in Hinduism); Controller of the mode of passion and desire; The Preserver; The Protector] 



Height: 4'7"
Weight: 100lbs
Hair Color: Raven
Eye Color: Hazel to Green
Hair Length: Down to just above her knees

Notable Attributes: Strength 3(Toned Body), Dexterity 4(2 Epics; Graceful), Appearance 4(Beautiful), Manipulation 1(...terrible at it), Charisma 4(Charming and Kind).
Tattoos/Piercings: A vine extends from her right hand and down to her left food; there is a lotus tattoo across the bottom of both feet; her ears are pierced as is her belly button.

Nationality: Indian
Citizenship: India and America
Birth Location: ...on record: Badrinath, Uttarakhand, India
Religious Affiliation: Vaishnavism & Buddhism
Current Residence: Ahwatukee , AZ



Places Lived: Tokyo, Japan; Hong Kong, China; Buenos Aires, Argentina; Havana, Cuba; Tempe, Arizona; Ahwatukee, Arizona

Languages: Hindi, Sanskrit, English, Japanese, Mandarin, Cantonese, Spanish, Latin, Greek, Arabic
Education: Associates Degree: Nursing; Bachelors Degree: Pre-Medicine; Doctorates Degree: Medical Doctor

Amala was successful enough that she started collage at 12 years old was able to ride a full scholarship through her scholarship. She was able to maintain a 3.8 GPA or higher for the duration of her education.


Profession(s): Doctor (Specializations in Ayurvedic, TCM, and Nutrition therapy)
Doctor comes from the Latin word docēre which means "to teach". As such, Amala also takes an active teaching roll, teaching at ASU and making sure her patients learn about themselves and how to take care of themselves rather than just giving them pharmaceutical drugs. She has written two books on the subject. The first book focuses on helping people make minor adjustments towards optimal health and the second focuses on that too but a bit more on a few recipes for food and herbal medicines. The book is available in 10 different languages. Amala volunteers in the community, giving free healthcare to those that need it in addition to working at ASU and owning her own medical practice in Chandler.

Her mother was also a doctor(and a talented painter).


Hobbies: Blacksmith; Amala picked up the craft from her father who was both a blacksmith and engineer. She really does not sell her items but she does have a photo gallery of things she has created online.

Amala seems to have a presence in the Hindu and Buddhist communities. She funded the opening of a temple dedicated to Vaishnavism; the religion dedicated to her father. The temple fully embraces Buddhism since they believe that one of Vishnu's avatars was Siddhartha Gautama or The Buddha that founded Buddhism.

Lastly, Amala owns a children's home that focuses on finding the children good homes, rehabilitating drug addicted children, and turning them into educated adults. Amala helps fund scholarships for students and tends to their healthcare herself. She thinks of the children as her own.

Her parents background will show that they hired many educational tutors as well as martial arts instructors to each Amala from a very young age, to the point of paying them to come live with them in India while they taught her.


Other Hobbies: Dancing, Martial Arts, Rock Climbing, Hiking, Swimming, and similar.
Income: Her mother was a fairly successful doctor and her father a fairly successful engineer. They left her quite a bit of money. Enough that she can support her entire lifestyle without living off of anything more than the interest being accumulated in the bank. And the money she makes as a doctor and teacher just continue to add to those numbers.

She has a couple of investments into the stock market and frequently makes donations to animal shelters, wildlife reserves, national parks, churches, homeless shelters, hospitals, and similar.
She has hired an accountant and lawyer to handler her financial affairs. Should Amala die half her money is given to various shelters and local temples. The other half is set up to be given to her biological children if she has them at the time of her death. Otherwise, that money is also set to be given to those organizations.